Like, really, really blank. Sadly blank. Depressingly blank. A sea of blankness.
I don't feel good about that. When I'm not writing I feel like I have no point. I drift. I don't sleep well. Guilt bows me down. And yet I don't address it. I don't sit down and write.
When it comes to writing, I require a deadline to start. I know that makes no sense, but I need to start at the beginning of something: a week, a month, a year. I can't just say to myself I should be writing, right now. I think, I will prepare myself; I say at this time and date I will sit down and begin. And that's silly. Sitting down and writing a paragraph doesn't take any preparation at all. And writing every day doesn't require that you follow a set formula: in other words, you don't have to write or edit on the same story until you are done. I could do something new. I could edit a page. I've had flashes of story ideas and/or scenes and I have not sat down and written them. They've disappeared like sparks flying upwards. Yes. I've been watching John Green videos.
I've also been spending a lot of time on Tumblr, reblogging photos of tea cups and piles of open books and things instead of writing. I think I'm turning into a hipster. It's a terrifying eventuality. I wonder when I'll get my plaque and salad tongs...which I will employ in an ironic way. I'll use them to serve asparagus rather than salad.
But I digress.
If you would like to see lots of reblogged photos of open books and cups of tea and coffee, please feel free to visit my tumblr at bettieleetwoOccasionallyWrites and please follow me. I think I have 5 followers. It's embarrassing. And the name is timely, don't you think? There are also lots of Sherlock fandom stuff and me making fun of Tom Hiddleston's perfection and celebrating the amazingness that is Robert Downey the Jr. and Richard Armitage's steely visage. Also... feminism.
I continue to digress.
So tonight I decided to write a blog post and to do it tonight, not tomorrow or on April 1st. I really love my blog and I have missed it, but didn't see much point in writing blog posts when I had nothing to blog about, writing wise. I feel so out of touch with words. Like I said, all at sea, adrift, unable to anchor my thoughts. And I'm going to do some writing tomorrow, as well. I don't know what it will be. It might be a flash piece, it might be another blog post about all the reading I've been doing. I don't know. But I will write tomorrow. And on Tuesday, I will begin Camp NaNoWriMo, where everything's made up and the points don't matter... wait. That's the Drew Carey show. It's like NaNoWriMo only less. My hope is to work on The Vampire Baron. It needs serious editorials. And also features Richard Armitage's steely visage.
And I may or may not have bought some See's candy. I see no reason why I should have any shame about this. I mean, look at that Teen Mom porn girl.
I've been ignoring my blog pretty badly for the last few months. Personal reasons, mainly, but one gets pretty put off about the whole blogging thing when you don't get much traffic, and especially when friends won't even read what you post. I made a challenge to myself to write a flash fiction piece a month and post it on my blog. That way I'm at least writing something and posting something, even if no one will read it. Work tends to drain my energy to write and the only time I actually write much of anything are on my days off. With the weather beginning to change, I'm going to want to spend my time outdoors rather than indoors writing. Maybe I should take a notepad to the park (which generally is empty) and write there. No internet distractions, no family distractions, and I'll be outside. Hmmm...
ReplyDeletei feel you. I am almost thinking about "punishing" myself by posting fiction.... :) As it seems the idea of anyone actually reading something I've written is so terrifying I never edit anything... :( Thank you for stopping by and commenting. It means a lot. I will check out your blog.
DeleteWho's Line Is It Anyway! The bestest! ^_^
ReplyDeleteI can't do things like Tumblr and Pinterest. I tried, but they became like such huge sucks of time. I tried to say I needed the creative fodder, but I have a folder on my computer with over 200 digital fantasy art thumbnails, like no, I don't need anymore pictures. Sitting down and just getting started is like the hardest thing ever. Once I do that, I'm good, but the weeks (or months) before that? Forget it. I'm just no good.
Just sit down and do it, right? I am going to get some words tonight. ^_^
that's what I gotta do....but I still suck at it. I am letting fear make me a little sad bi+#h, you know? I gotta kick fear in the teeth or something... Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. :)
Delete