Wednesday, July 18, 2012

And so comes the doubt....

I know how wrong this is. I'm going to kvetch on the internet. This blog is all about my journey as a writer, and sometimes, that journey consists of pulling off your "big girl" panties and pissing where you squat.

A dog-damned pendulum. That is the writer's life. One minute, you're swingin' through the trees, making love with the butterflies and comparing wings with the hummingbirds, thinking this bliss will never end! The next, you're curled up in the mud clutching a bottle of Mad Dog 20 20 just wishing it was all over. 

I had the butterfly experience the beginning of the week, but I see the mud and the Mad Dog 20 20 becoming a possibility soon. I blame this funk on attempting to write a query and to find suggestions on how to do so. It's one of those things I just haven't grasped. It always bums me out and leads me to more researching and more finding myself coming up short. Don't forget about the synopsis. And the search for an agent. And being prepared to talk about your book. And describe it like you know what you're doing. And a pitch - that is a thing now! Everyone tried to stop it from happening - it's for movies and tv shows, but now, agents want a "pitch" of your book. I guess I just don't like the shlocky way they come out. "In a world where only silverlight should exist, Sara Bell hunts down a brutal killer bent on not only using his dreadlight, but destroying the very fabric of magic as she knows it...." Ok. That's not the pitch. That totally sucks. I know you don't pepper your query and pitch with your made-up words. But you see the kind of crap I come up with.

When I imagine speaking to someone (because I rarely leave the house, let alone talk to people) and imagine them asking me about my book, I see myself growing vacant-eyed...and yes, there is slobber. This is not a good thing. Not ever a good thing.

And it's probably not a good thing to get online and let everyone know how hard you suck at one very necessary part of the publishing process. But just in case there are others of you out there, and I know there are, hovering on the edge of QUITTING! QUITTING! I'M QUITTING! and believing "All it takes is practice, or the right advice-book... and directing your work at the right agent... and hard honest work until you get it right..." For those of you who still have hope and fear that hopelessness will one day replace it... I would like to give you a *fistbump* and a glass to pour your Mad Dog in. Let's try and remained civilized, people, even as we sink into the mud.

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to rinse out my big-girl panties.


  1. As you say, there's the good and the bad. I think it is a fine thing to talk about the whole process. By being honest with ourselves about the tough parts we won't forget to celebrate when the successes come along.
    One Writer's Mind

  2. Thank you! I never mean for my complaints to suggest I won't keep trying and do my very very best as someone who wants to be published by a big 6... but as you say, the tough parts... they are tough!

  3. The tough parts are very tough, and that doesn't change as you progress through the process.

    Fortunately, with each hurdle you overcome, you get a little bit stronger. Or, at least, you learn that you are stronger and more persistent and more talented :) than you thought, and you can use memories of those successes to fuel your attempt to climb over the next obstacle.

    When I have these moments, I just remind myself that Neil Gaiman still thinks his writing sucks. He's wrong, of course, but it's okay for me to feel that way if someone like him does. :)

    Rock on, Bettielee.

    Yours since early today,

  4. I shall continue to Rock, Hillary. With a capital R. Actually that was an accident, but I will take it to mean something. I thank you for your kindness, my friend.

  5. I'm finding myself very near that edge you talk about up there. About 10 feet from it. And I'm on an incline. That's continuing to tilt toward the vertical.

  6. Oh yeah, the query letter writing process about did me in. It was a pretty spectacular AW SYW thread, lol!

  7. Ace: *fistbump my brother* *sends grappling hooks*

    Justbishop: yeah, I'm having nightsweats thinking about putting up a query in there.... another necessary thing that is terrifying to imagine....

  8. Earlier this week, I felt the fear monster creeping up, and I just turned around, looked my fear monster in the eye, and said, "Fine, I see you there. Your fear is completely justified. Are you happy?" And you know what? The fear monster just curled up next to my feet and slept. For now. I'm starting to wonder if all that fear and doubt wanted all along was a little validation. ;)

  9. Are you sure that wasn't just your cat dressed as the fear monster? Cuz a cat will do that kind of thing. j/k! I get the spirit of what you are saying. I may acknolwedge, and offer it a cheesy treat and see if it will go away....

  10. The LOLfullness of this entry makes one sure you'll be all right. And how's that for a made-up word? =))) *fistbump*

  11. *fistbump* You see to the core of my being, SWestie! :)